I am slowly but surely learning the benefits of being alone...
You get to go where ever you want,
Do whatever you want,
See what ever you want,
And be whatever you want.
Granted I am not single.
I am far from being single actually, and very pleased by that :)
But I am in a loving relationship that gives me the freedom of choice and encourages the independence I need for me to become more into my own.
I love him :)
Even though these are the very things that used to scare me.... the idea of being one single unit, making decisions as one singular unit, and not a coupling, scares me to the core.
See I have never been single.
Well for as long as it is relevant I have never been.
Since my first boyfriend Stephen at the age of 14, I have gone from one lover to the next and not been on my own for more than a week at a time. And this has definitely shaped me, and given me the definition of "Britt" that I have become and love.
This characteristic of my personality has caused me to love with such intensity that most of the time I cannot look at my partner without wanting to be all over them. Which can then lead to them feeling smothered by the rapture that is my adoration.
Now for the first time in my life I am finding my own, which is made mostly possible with the fact that I am now living "on my own" (I live with 3 wonderful roommates). I don't have the responsibility to call, to come home at a certain hour or to run all the little errands that a relationship entails. Granted I love those responsibilities but it sure is a nice break to not have to worry about them for once in my life. Its like when you move out for the first time and you come to the realization that you can now buy which ever cereal you want, all because you don't have to run it by someone else now.
I really felt this tonight as I attended my monthly pen pal writing club, and as I left and walked down Main street alone, I realized that I had the ability to wander into the next open cafe and read my book for hours on end on a work night, and no one would be there to tell me otherwise.
So I did. And it was wonderful.
And I realized that being alone ain't so bad, and neither is being in a relationship that sometimes gives me more freedom than I am comfortable with.
Because in the end, I believe that I'm on the right path in life that is going to lead me into being the person that I am meant to be. As corny as that may sound. Its the truth.
Also that I am really looking forward to the coming of my 24th year on this earth. The prospect of ageing intrigues me.
Well that is all for tonight folks, thanks for wandering with me
- Love Nymph
p.s. Just want to share with you guys the book I'm reading, that made me want to find a coffee shop tonight, as it is just simply amazing!